Going Uphill

I’ve just got back from a nice weekend chez the in-laws. They live in a nice rural spot to the north of Dundee, so I thought it would be nice to sample the delights of the Great Outdoors (pictured).


Feeling (as I periodically do) the grate of civilisation, I decided to walk to a spot where I could no longer see any evidence of human existence. This is harder than you might expect. Even in the countryside, there are plenty of pylons and crisp packets around to destroy the illusion that you are in the wilderness. Luckily, however, I found myself in the middle of a pea-souper, which brought the desired radius of untainted nature down to a mere ten metres.

One imagines all sorts of interesting encounters when setting off on an expedition like this. Perhaps I would meet a country laird, all tweed and deerstalker, who could be persuaded to pass the time lamenting the passing of the Good Times, his battered spaniel waiting at his wellied feet. Alternatively, there might be an encounter with some interesting wildlife; perhaps I would meet a stag, a Monarch of the Glen, and we would eye each other with mutual, solemn respect. Maybe I might find another urban spit-out blundering around in the mist, and we could share a thought or two about the inexorable concrete progress going on down below.

I got to the top of the hill and, frankly, there wasn’t much there. Lots of mist. A pile of stones. A crisp packet.

Went home. Watched telly.

Explore posts in the same categories: Goings on

6 Comments on “Going Uphill”

  1. Ross Says:

    Battered Spaniel? Do you get those at La Senza too?

  2. Doug Says:

    Not sure what you’ve got in mind there. I can only imagine what tawdry depths you might be trawling…

  3. Quinnboy Says:

    What makes you think you’d get respect from a stag, mate?


  4. Doug Says:

    I have a way with the animals, Quinnston. An understanding, if you will. There wouldn’t be any problem with that.

  5. Ross Says:

    Between the crisp packets in this post, the knives (and cutlery more generally) in the next and the fatties in the most recent, I’m detecting a distinct theme emerging. This is having a more profound influence on my behaviour than your Derren Brown jape.

    I’m off to Greggs.

  6. Doug Says:

    Well spotted. Have a sausage roll on me. Just put in on my tab.

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